For some reason I've spent an inordinate amount of time over the past few days thinking about and making plans for what I would do if I woke up to find that the world was being taken over by zombies. I'm not sure why I've been thinking about this. Maybe working night shifts is starting to get to me. Maybe it's because I saw like 5 minutes of some zombie-esque movie on TV the other night.
Most of the plans I've come up with involve going to the Vail bus barn (since I know the code to get in the door) and stealing various large vehicles. Which vehicles I steal would depend on several factors like what kind of zombies they are, how many other survivors I have with me, what time of year it is, and probably just what kind of mood I find myself in at the time. At the top of the list would probably be one of the snowplows they have parked in there because I figure the big plow would come in handy for plowing through crowds of zombies. It would also be useful for getting through the snow in the winter. The driver's cab in the snowplow is also relatively high off the ground and it would be hard for the zombies to attack me there. One problem with the snowplow, however, is that there isn't much room for cargo and stuff. I mean, there is the dump bed in back, but if there are zombies all over the place, I don't know how I would make it from the cab to the dump bed to get stuff...
That is where a bus would come in handy. Although a bus wouldn't be as well-suited for plowing through crowds of hungry zombies as the snowplow, I think that it could probably still get the job done if need be. The bus also has the added advantage of lots of room for things like other survivors I might come across, extra cans of fuel, perhaps a bed... Also, since I am a bus driver I have a bias towards taking a bus. The driver is relatively more exposed to attack, however, in the bus. But depending on what kind of zombies they are, this might not be a problem. If they are mean, scary, zombies that run really fast like those portrayed in movies like Resident Evil or Dawn of the Dead (I think...), then the large exposed windows of the bus might not provide enough protection. If, however, they are the more lethargic zombies portrayed in the farce movie Shaun of the Dead, then I think we will be fine in the bus.
The question then becomes, however, which bus to take because there are 6 different kinds of buses in the fleet. There are the old big ones with three doors, but they tend to break down the most so I would probably not take those. There are older and newer versions of the the slightly smaller and generally reliable ones. There are the really old, very reliable, but also very slow ones. There are the newest and sportiest ones (if you can use the word "sporty" to describe a bus). And then there is the big, fancy, new hybrid electric one. If there are enough other survivors, then we can each take a different kind of bus and it won't be an issue, but if it is just me then I would have to decide. The hybrid would be a good choice because it gets about 30% better fuel economy than the other ones, which would be important because getting out to fuel might be a risky proposition with hungry zombies running around. It has a big open floor plan so you could bring along a lot of stuff. It has a nice big back door that would be relatively easy to conduct drive-by zombie attacks through. And it's my favorite bus to drive. One problem with it, however, is that it is the biggest bus in the fleet, so it would be harder to maneuver around whatever sorts of obstacles I might encounter.
I think the other one I might take is one of the new, "sporty" ones because they probably have the most power for driving through crowds of zombies. They also have good air conditioning, and their doors close quickly.
If there are a few other able-bodied people to drive then I would probably also have someone take the Toyota Highlander hybrid, someone in the ambulance, and maybe even one of the fire trucks. Ideally I would find enough other people that we would head out as a convoy with all of these vehicles in our arsenal.
One of the first things I would do once I had secured the vehicles is try to locate and rescue one of the town of Vail mechanics so they could come along and fix the trucks and buses and whatnot when they broke down. That would definitely be the first order of business. Then I would go to Ace Hardware and get all of the gas cans I could find there, and go fill them up and bring them along. I would then book it for the grocery store, probably driving at high speed through crowds of zombies the whole way there. After I had stocked up on supplies, I guess I would try to drive to some relatively unpopulated areas. I suppose some firearms might be in order too...
So yeah, that's the plan. I'm glad that I'll know what to do in the event of zombie take-over... what a relief. What will YOU do?!
Here's a trailer for the movie Shaun of the Dead:
4 comments:
It's good to hear that we're on the same wavelength...I've had recurring zombie dreams for years that usually involve me, my mom and some friends holed up in a shopping mall, with unlimited zombies trudging towards us from all directions. Basically I shoot tons of them (with a shotgun) and also bust some up with sweet kung fu moves. Sounds like we're both prepared for the apocalypse!
I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who spends time pondering highly unlikely and improbably situations like this. Thanks Dan! The two of us would probably make an awesome post-apocalyptic team. What if instead of zombies, though, it were something like Terminators instead? We'd probably be doomed, wouldn't we?
Just this past weekend I was sitting on the front porch wondering just how cool a zombie movie set in Afghanistan would be. Mostly marginalized or disenfranchised Taliban warlords in an opium-assisted zombie state, along with terminally bored "coalition of the willing" soldier zombies in poorly fitting night vision headgear, cameo appearances by some of the "coalition of the BILLing" (aka beyond the law Blackwater, et al hired guns) .... and some goat and still-sorta-cute little donkey zombies, and of course, Dick, Donny and Paul all trudging around pushing a huge wheelbarrow of $$$US around and throwing large bricks of it at all the Halliburton and Bechtel guys. There would be lots of asymetrical conflict, where some zombies have WAY BETTER zombie moves that the others, and where the guys on one side mostly cant really engage the opposing zombies, cause that would risk a breach of protocol (even zombies have rules of engagement ...)
yea .... that would be a cool location shoot .... we could even have some embedded videographers, you know, so we could get some straight, unpoliticized perspectives on the action. A true mockumentary ...
A "highly unlikely and improbably situation"? Don't be so sure.
As I was reading your description, I couldn't help but thinking that being overrun with zombies wouldn't really change my West Philadelphia lifestyle all that much...it certainly wouldn't be more dangerous than it is now and I probably wouldn't leave the house any less. But what if my DSL connection went out, for some reason? Then there'd be trouble!
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