European English

First of all, you should still read my previous entry and vote for a language if you haven't already.

I found this on the online discussion board for my World Language Policy linguistics class and I thought it was pretty funny. I don't know how true it is though.

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Euro-English, don't drop your German just yet!

The European Commission has just announced an
agreement whereby English will be the official
language of the European Union rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the
negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with
joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k".
This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have
one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with
"f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling
kan be expekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible. Governments will
enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil
agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the
languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from
vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil
hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl
or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil
finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be
speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.


- Author unknown